President Barack Obama reportedly told reporters last night that the U.S. Constitution has become a hindrance to progress in America. “The document is so out-dated, that it is now becoming a hindrance to governing the country.”
Obama has signed an Executive Order voiding the U.S. Constitution. “We need to move forward. We need change.”
Obama reportedly said he has already drafted a new constitution and that Americans “will love what I came up with.” Insiders say Obama is keeping a lot of old elements from the original constitution “he’s just making it better, bringing it into the 21st century,” said White House Spokesman, Jay Carney.
Many Democrats said that President Obama was a constitutional scholar and probably the only President – since the Founding Fathers – who is qualified to change the Constitution.
“President Obama knows more about the Constitution than any man who has ever lived,” said Minority Leader, Nancy Pelosi. “It’s about time we change that document and we are lucky to have President Obama to do it." Republicans, of course, were outraged that Obama would even consider changing the constitution, and they vowed to fight. “We will fight this to the bitter end,” said Speaker of the House, John Boehner, “there’s no way we are going to let the Constitution of the United States be altered even a little bit. If there are changes to be made to the Constitution it should be done the appropriate way – through amendments and we think Paul Ryan and Eric Cantor are the ones to make any changes.”
Insiders say the new Constitution will look a lot like the constitutions of Kenya, France and Soviet Russia.
There are many, many changes in the New U.S. Constitution, but here are a few of the highlights.
1) SUPREME COURT – Will now have 11 members, which reflects the growing U.S. population. President Obama will appoint two new members immediately. The President can name a new justice without the approval of Congress.
2) EXECUTIVE FINANCIAL POWER – The President will have the power to unilaterally enact any financial policy he chooses, without approval of Congress. He must inform them, but they can not “stop” the President from promoting his (or her) agenda.
3) LOBBYISTS – They will now be outlawed. There will be no more lobbyists in Washington. However, there are some exemptions outlined in the New Constitution” : Trial Lawyers, National Education Association and unions. They will all be able to lobby.
4) REPRESENTATION – California, New York and Illinois will double the number of representatives in Congress – permanently. “The President feels that the smartest people in the country live in these states, so they should be over-represented,” said a White House spokesperson.
5) GUNS & RELIGION – Both will be banned in the United States.